Senegalese Ceremonies

There are 3 types of ceremonies  I’ve been to in Senegal: Naming Ceremonies, Marriages and Funerals.

Naming Ceremonies: The Senegalese wait one week after a baby is born to give them a name. When they do, it’s a big event, similar to a baby shower. All of the friends and family (usually that means a lot of people) arrive at the house in the morning around 9:00. The name is announced, and everyone eats niiri kosaam (a special type of grain with milk). The mother and her newborn stay in her room, but everyone comes in at some point to greet her and offer her gifts or money. Naming ceremonies in Fanaye are usually pretty low key, but often in Senegal there’s also a big lunch for all of the guests and lots of music and dancing into the evening hours.

Funerals: Unfortunately I’ve been to a couple funerals so far. After the men of the family bring the body to the mosque, they’ll bury it in the cemetery. Close family can come for the burial I believe. Then for the next few days afterwards, the family’s house is open to receive guests wishing to give their condolences. They’ll serve tea, snacks and lunch, and all of the guests will bring money to offer, or sometimes essential items like rice.

Weddings: Unlike naming ceremonies and funerals, weddings are a HUGE affair.  The first wedding I attended happened at my house. It was an absolutely wild three days. The first day everyone went to my neighbor’s house (home of the bride). It was just a lot of greeting, eating, and drinking tea. Everyone, of course, was dressed in their best. Then everyone came to my house (home of the groom) for dinner.  It amazed me how serving meals at the wedding was no big deal. About 20 middle aged women (family and friends of the family) would prepare meals all day long while socializing and still partaking in the festivities. I did my part every morning by cutting hundreds of onions. That night at about midnight, the actual ceremony happened. A lot of the ceremony mimics   western weddings. There was a long red carpet leading up to a little tent that was decorated with flowers and lights. There were even bridesmaids and groomsmen who walked the aisle before the bride and groom. There were two huge differences though. First, the actual marriage had apparently happened earlier at the mosque (I believe). The bride doesn’t even go to the mosque – only the men of the family. At the big ceremony, the bride and groom simply walk up the aisle together, and then hang out with the bridesmaids and groomsmen dancing at the front for a while.  The second big difference, is that they walk the aisle 3 times, in 3 different outfits. I was so confused by this at first. Didn’t they just do this? But the bride gets to wear a classic western white dress, and 2 more traditional, colorful Senegalese dresses.

Marriage proposals:

Since we’re talking about weddings… I might as well take the opportunity to talk about my many suitors in Fanaye.  I’ve never actually seen somebody proposed to in Senegal, but I’ve been told that men usually have to ask women several times before she’ll say yes. Say yes on the first time and you seem easy. Lots of younger Senegalese are following the western culture of “dating” for a while before marriage, but it’s also still not normal to not know each other very long before the proposal. Arranged marriages are also exist. Nearly every day, somebody “offers” me one of the men in their family. “Don’t you want a husband?” they’ll ask, “You’re 25 and you don’t have kids! You need a husband….” Women here usually marry between the age of 16 and 21. Men are usually older – mid 20s for their first wife, and any age for additional ones. Men can have up to 4 wives, but in Fanaye at least, I’ve found it’s not common to have more than 2.  Because men can have multiple wives, every man (with less than 4 wives) is therefore able to propose to me. And ohhhh boy does that happen. I sound completely fluent when I have this conversation because I’ve had it so many times:

Man: Marry me. (Res-am)

Me: I don’t want a husband right now (my yidaa gorko jooni)

Man: *Laughs hysterically* Really? You’re an adult! (tiggi tiggi? An ko mawno)

Me: No. I’m a kid here. (Allaa, ko me cukalel doh)

Man: How old are you? (No foti duubi jogi da?)

Me: 25 (nogas e djoy)

Man: *Laughs hysterically* No you need a husband now. Marry me. I have money. (Allaa, ada sokli gorgo jooni. Res-am. Mbido jogi kallis)

Me: No I want to wait until I’m 30. Many people in America wait until they’re 30. (Allaa, mbido yidi fade ha mbido jogi cappan-tati. Yimbe keewi Ameriknaajo fadat ha be jogi cappan tati).

Man: *Laughs hysterically* Marry me. I want a foreign wife. (Res-am. Mbido yidi debbo toubab.)

Me: Hmm ok give me 10 million CFA (local currency) and I’ll marry you. (Rok-am CFA 10 million, e mi resa ma.)

Man: *Laughs hysterically*

Senegal is a joking culture… if you don’t like a question or conversation, just make a joke to get out of it. Another common question I get is people asking me to take them to America. I tell them “sure” I’ll just put you in my suitcase when I return. They just laugh.